How to manage change
I think the skill of how to manage change should be taught in schools. Knowing how to cope with and successfully manage changes throughout our life, is one of the most crucial skills we need, yet no-one shows us how to do this.
For most of us, we only notice the significant effect that change has on us when something dramatic happens, like being made redundant, when a loved one dies, we move house or we get sick. It’s very challenging and emotionally difficult when we’re in the midst of this change. We struggle because we’ve never learned how to be with it and navigate it with ease and grace.
We stress about every little detail, we become physically tired because we can’t sleep properly, we desperately try to hold on to some sort of control (which we know deep down is an illusion) and we end up burnt out, frustrated and agitated.
So when we finally get to the other side of this big change we’re relieved, and we hope that nothing like this will ever happen again. We’re exhausted by the whole experience and are in dire need of a holiday to recuperate.
In fact, most of us are oblivious to the endless changes that happen around us all the time. Just take a moment now to look around where you are. What can you see? How are these things changing? Flowers slowing wilting (nature is a great teacher for this), objects getting dusty and older, the weather constantly shifting, sounds coming and going, and you - a constantly changing animal, a living breathing collection of change. Your temperature, your hunger levels, your thoughts, your feelings and physical sensations or pain in the body. Even our own reflection reminds us that change is always happening, yet when faced with changes in our life we can freak out and become fearful and angry.
The emotions of change
Change can evoke powerful and uncomfortable emotions. It can bring up old wounds, deeply stored fears and anxiety about an uncertain future.
We can pretend it’s not happening and bury our head in the sand. Or even make up a delusional tale to protect ourselves from the perceived horror of the situation. Have you ever just ignored something that felt stressful? Putting it to the back of your mind and hoping it would just go away?
When we do this, ironically, it has the opposite effect. Rather than the problem actually going away it makes it worse. Now we are worrying about something we’re not addressing, perhaps subconsciously but it will be there, lurking beneath the surface. It might manifest as stomach problems (IBS is a classic for showing us how stressed we are), or maybe you’re not sleeping as well as you normally do, or you snap at your partner and feel irritable.
These are all signs of stress and they won’t go away until the source of the problem is brought into the present and addressed.
This is where mindfulness is so helpful. We can use its vast wisdom in any situation that we’re facing. Using its techniques and mindsets in the present moment to soften worry, let go of unhelpful thinking and think clearly.
It’s not personal
What I find interesting about change is that two people can have exactly the same physical change in their life, and have two completely different experiences of it.
For example their boss leaves and their replacement has a very different leadership style. One person might see this as an opportunity to get to know someone new and be curious about this new dynamic. It gives them a renewed energy at work. However another person might be scared of the new boss and worry that they won’t like them or that they won’t rate their work. Perhaps they’re feeling insecure about where they are in their career and this triggers some self judgement and criticism.
There are literally thousands of different ways to experience an event. And this fact helps us to step back from it and not take it personally. We can look at what it’s brought up for us in a way that isn’t about the event at all. And by taking responsibility for this and giving ourselves care and attention, managing change is a lot easier.
How to use mindfulness to cope with change
At its core, mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and engaged in the moment, without judgment. It encourages you to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings without being defined by them.
One of the ways we can apply mindfulness here is to use a beginners mindset. It’s a way to get curious about something by looking at it as if for the first time. Almost like a child would look at it. Deeply curious, interested and open minded. Without judging or criticising. When we do this we notice new elements that we didn’t see before. It gives us the opportunity to look at something with a fresh new lens.
By practicing a mindful approach to change, you can change the way you see and interact with it, and bring a sense of self compassion and resilience to life’s constant ups and downs.
Catastrophising
Change doesn’t work alone, it has a best friend called uncertainty. When you mix these two together you get a wild journey of ”what if…?” and catastrophising.
The amount of time I’ve found myself in that situation. Going over and over the potential problems that will arise in the future if X happens (due to a change). It’s a miserable place to be and it also doesn’t help. Sure we need to determine if there is anything we need to do but once we’ve realised if we have any control over the situation and therefore if we need to do anything, that’s it. Our mind’s can rest and we can move on to something else. Letting go that constant twirl of worry.
Overcoming external obstacles
While our internal blocks are significant, external obstacles shouldn’t be overlooked. Challenges such as time constraints, financial limitations or physical health issues can get in the way of personal growth.
So in order to navigate these obstacles we can set realistic goals, prioritise tasks and create a step by step plan by using a coaching mindset. Together with a mindfulness approach we can then live with awareness in the present moment, which helps to reduce the overwhelm caused by future uncertainties.
Where do I start with mindfulness?
Here are some initial mindfulness practices you can try if you’re experiencing difficult changes in your life right now. Whether your relationship has changed, things at work are different, there’s new family challenges or health issues, mindfulness offers many actionable steps.
1. Increase your self awareness
Observe your thoughts, feelings and behaviours without judgment. By understanding your internal landscape you can start to listen to your inner wisdom and hear what your intuition is telling you that you need in that moment. Sit for 5 minutes (put a timer on to help you focus), quietly with your breath. Simply allow whatever you feel and think to be. This practice is all about noticing and allowing. Notice how you feel after this time. Ask yourself “what does my intuition want me to do now?”
2. How you show up is important
Beyond setting specific goals, mindfulness encourages you to set intentions on how you want to be in the process of achieving these goals. Do you want to be more present? More compassionate? Maybe you want to bring your ‘can do’ attitude or resilience to your task. Decide what’s important to you and commit to this intention.
3. Practice gratitude
Acknowledging the good in your life has a powerful effect of shifting your focus from what you lack to what you have, creating a positive, open and expansive mindset.
4. A support system
The journey of change is rarely one we take alone. It’s helpful to have an accountability partner, a supportive community or a mentor to guide you along the way. This is particularly useful for when things get tough, which they will. Creating new habits takes practice and effort so inevitably we’ll feel less motivated some days. Reverting to your default is really tempting unless you have an expert walking you through the journey and inspiring you on the way. It means that you’re less likely to give up and more likely to sustain your new positive habits in the long term.
where do i go from here?
If you’re looking for help navigating changes in your life, book a complimentary call with Kate to find out how mindfulness coaching will support you.
Kate Greenslade is a certified mindfulness coach. She is a PCC accredited transformational life coach with the ICF (International Coaching Federation). A certified mindfulness MBSR teacher, registered with BAMBA (the British Association of Mindfulness Based Approaches). She holds a First Aid for Mental Health certificate and has completed the following training: Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness, The Neuroscience of Change, The Wisdom of Trauma, Reiki level 1 and Public Speaking training and coaching.