How to improve your relationship with simple mindfulness practices

In relationships we can often find ourselves stepping on each other's toes - to put it mildly. It’s a precarious dance to navigate both of your needs, what you want, your ability to communicate that, your level of awareness and then the never-ending stuff we have to do on top, like go to work and look after children and buy and cook food.

It’s absolutely no wonder that we snap at the one we love. 

At my lowest moment in my relationship I found myself blaming my husband for everything. For how I felt, what he was doing, what he wasn’t doing, for how our business was going…. Poor guy!

When I look back at that moment now I think how lucky I was to have been introduced to mindfulness at that time. Who knows where I’d be now if I hadn’t taken a look at what was going on for me and why I was acting like such a pain in the arse.

One of the hardest things I’ve done is take full responsibility for my behaviour in my marriage. Maybe this sounds weird but it took a lot of guts to hold my hand up and say ok, this is my part in this. This is what I’m doing to create this situation. Here is what I do that escalates tension. 

But once I’d made the decision to stop pushing everything onto him, and own my part in our relationship, it was easier to see each behaviour pattern that needed attention. And to work with one of them at a time.

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Mindfulness is your relationship's best friend

Mindfulness isn't just about being present, it's about bringing a quality of attention to your relationship. 

Imagine a relationship where misunderstandings become opportunities for connection, where every conversation deepens your bond. It doesn't have to be a far off dream. With some help, it's entirely achievable.

Mindfulness has taught me and my husband to tune into not only the words we share but also the silence that is between them, allowing us to connect on a level that was previously unobtainable. Beginning to communicate in a new way was challenging, but the outcome is so fulfilling. It’s brought us to a state of mutual respect, love, and joy.

One of the hidden benefits of this is that it will rub off on those around you. My husband doesn’t specifically practice mindfulness he has absorbed it from my endless practices 😄 and he instinctively uses a lot of the techniques now.

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Slowing down

By practicing active listening and non-reactive communication, you learn to understand and respond to each other better, turning potential conflicts into conversations. This approach leads to a calmer relationship environment, where stress and worry no longer dictate the mood.

This happens more easily when you slow everything down. We are so used to rushing about and thinking about the next thing we have to do that the art of slowing down is often lost. 

Practicing being in be present can feel frustrating in itself at first, because there’s always something else to do or somewhere else to go. It can feel uncomfortable to simply be still. But through this process of stillness you develop a deeper understanding and acceptance of each other, appreciating different perspectives without judgment. 

Handling disagreements calmly and constructively becomes the norm, where you find resolutions more easily. Ultimately, this rekindles emotional and physical intimacy, as you become truly present with one another and deepen your connection.

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How to apply mindfulness in your relationship

To understand each other beyond words and achieve a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner, try exploring these practical mindfulness techniques.

Start your day together

Begin each day with a moment of connection. Take the time to share a cup of coffee in silence, appreciating each other's presence. This can be surprisingly challenging!

See and be seen

Sometimes I ask my husband for 1 minute of ‘eye time’ and we just look into each other’s eyes without saying anything. It’s not a staring competition, it’s simply practicing being completely present and seen by each other. Sometimes one or both of us start laughing, so we’ll just reset and start again : ) 

Active listening

When your partner speaks, listen with your whole being. Put aside your phone, mute the TV, and listen - not just to reply, but to really understand them.

Be grateful

Make it a habit to express gratitude to each other for the little things. A simple "thank you" for a mundane task can make a world of difference. 

The winding, unpredictable journey ahead can be exciting.

Embarking on a mindfulness journey doesn't mean your relationship will be free from challenges. I still argue with my husband and we annoy each other, of course. But what it does mean is that I can catch frustration a lot earlier and nip it in the bud before it becomes a row. Or we can call a ‘time out’ if one of us feels unable to have a certain conversation, preventing saying things we don’t really mean. I also notice early cues in my body that I need some time alone or with friends. Rather than dumping a load of expectations on my husband that he can’t (and shouldn’t have to) fulfil. 

So, with time and some trial and error you will find that you are better equipped to face difficulties together, with kindness understanding, and a shared commitment to happiness and respect. 

But if you're feeling overwhelmed, that’s perfectly normal, remember that every journey begins with a single step. You and your relationship are worth the investment. And you have the power to take the first step.

With much love, 
Kate x

A LOVING PARTNERSHIP

Are you ready to take the first step towards changing your relationship into the loving, joyful union you deserve? 

Book a complimentary call with Kate to begin your journey towards a deeper connection with yourself and your loved one.

Kate Greenslade is a certified mindfulness coach. She is a PCC accredited transformational life coach with the ICF (International Coaching Federation). A certified mindfulness MBSR teacher, registered with BAMBA (the British Association of Mindfulness Based Approaches). She holds a First Aid for Mental Health certificate and has completed the following training: Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness, The Neuroscience of Change, The Wisdom of Trauma, Reiki level 1 and Public Speaking training and coaching.